You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
