hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
