Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
