Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
