kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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