I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
