he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
