just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
