Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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