guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
