Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
