More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
