...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
