I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
