All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
