She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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