Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
ok first of all what the fuck
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
