You're my little dorito
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
