It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
