1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
