Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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