God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
