i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My ass is underappreciated
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
