shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
