also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
