anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
