There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
