Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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