Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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