my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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