It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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