Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
