Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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