Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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