I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
