3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
