That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
