He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
