how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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