My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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