i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
