You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
