remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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