so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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