I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
