don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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