What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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