sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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