Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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