Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
