make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have fence marks all over my body
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
