Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
