she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
