I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
