I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
