Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
